Pat

You are about 65 to 70 but you have the body of a 35 year old. You had this summer dress on that was loose fitting but somehow still showed that your body was ripe and ready. I noticed your pictures on the wall of you younger, then older, and now that I see you in this moment I see the linkages of your beauty.

I touched you three times. I shook your hand on entering you home and the quite by accident (I swear) I touched the outside of your left thigh as I knelt beside you teaching you about your new laptop. Your thigh was firm and yielded against my touch and I was embarrassed and please to have been able to touch you.

Later, you bent over and your dress revealed your breasts. Yes, you are old and your body is worn by your age but I wanted to suckle and taste them. I wanted to pleasure you with my mouth and body. You bent over again and I had to look and see each breast held in place by the cups of your bra and I wished that I could share with you that though you were 20 years my senior in age you are a sexy woman and that I want you.

Later you slipped on your open toed heels in preparation for a dinner out and you legs are exquisite. No hose but my imagination filled with the sight of you lying on your bed naked except for a simple pair of black stockings beckoning me to you. Your deep blue eyes filling my soul and expressing the shared need to couple.

And then he came. A man of your age obviously in love with you.

I don't think he can give you what you need. But your inhibitions signalled by the Cross of Jesus on you vestibule speaks to your values and yet I think I know you know you are a sexual woman. Aged but wanting to feel the heat between your legs.

I want you Pat...

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Transpose

This image brings to mind some thoughts and memories.


Memory

My first partner went to university in a mid-sized town in Canada. She lived downtown equidistant from the fire and police headquarters in a rather rundown Victorian two-story house. She shared the two main floors with two room-mates; one her best friend and a new girl from Trenton, Ontario. In the basement was a very small apartment in which two foreign students resided. They where Chinese attending the same university. We never saw them but one day I got a call from Sandra asking me to come over after work as she had something she wanted to discuss.

We met and went to her room and she recounted how the night before she had heard through the heating vent in her room noises that sounded like the male partner of the couple in the basement was beating or abusing his female partner. She then asked me to bend down and put my ear to the vent and since they were home I could hear them talking. It was indistinct and since in was in Cantonese or Mandarin this made it harder to get a clear idea of the tone of the conversation.

We discussed this and she wanted to go the the police so we decided that was best. She would make a hypothetical inquiry as what would be the proper thing to do in a case such as this. Later that night she called me and related that she had spoken to a female police officer and that officer had advised her to talk to the woman in question personally.

My partner did so later at a time when she knew the male partner would not be home and it turns out the sounds she heard was them fucking. The Chinese woman was a bit embarrassed to have to relate this information and I am sure she was wondering what else my partner had heard from that vent.

We solved the problem in the summer and fall by putting a piece of wood over the vent and the sounds were muted to everyone's satisfaction. The voyeur in me would have loved to listen in but honestly there were never any times I was resident where such noises emanated from the vent.

But it also got us to thinking:  Had they heard us fucking as well?

Thoughts

I cannot recollect ever hearing anyone making love. I have seen people engaging in sex at a distance like the first time I saw a woman giving a man a blow job when I was 12 deep in the woods at a local park near my home. Me and my friend watched fascinated at the blond woman in the flower print summer dress move her head back and forth while the man held his shirt up to his chest and let his head roll back with eyes closed in pleasure. Shamefully we did not walk away and let them enjoy this intimacy in private but waited until they were done and yelled some silly teenager slogan like "Fuck her. I did!" at them and then ran away.

Having had sex in some pretty grotty motels I often wonder if others have heard me and am apt to imagine their voyeuristic pleasure or ethical disgust with the noises coming from the thin walls of the motel room. (Tip: try and get an end unit then only one room can hear you!).

What comes to mind in the photograph above is several ideas. Is that woman actually hearing lovemaking and placing herself in her mind's eye as the recipient of the attention of that man? Perhaps she has listened before and got the gumption up to introduce herself to him at a later time and become the subject of his passion and cock?

If one was lonely and without a lover that noise would probably enhance the feeling of personal isolation.

I would love to hear from you kindly readers your thoughts and experiences...

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Why Vintage?

The reason I like vintage images are:

1. The tits, ass, legs, face are real.
2. Photoshop, we don't need no stick'n Photoshop.
3. Pantyhose. Fuck! Pantyhose did not eclipse stocking sales until the early 1970s.
4. The women seem more accessible and real than those in Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler, and all the slick porn magazines derived from the popularity of Playboy.
5. Is it my imagination but does there seem to be an innocence in the eyes of the women?
6. No shaved pussy.

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Classic

One of the reason I like vintage photographs is because of the lack of pretension they possess compared to today's professional erotic and pornographic photography. I love the settings in these pictures. They are probably someone's - probably the photographer's - own apartment or home. If you look at the furniture like the fold out sofa-bed from the image above it is evident this is the case. No fancy location shots or sets. No fancy lighting. NO PHOTOSHOPPING the images.

A camera, a subject and photographs.

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Remote Love

"I once confessed to a friend that I was starting to develop feelings for a man I'd never met. She called me crazy. "That would be impossible," she said. This friend of mine happens to be addicted to The Bachelor. Right, so 2 people who've exchanged private & intimate letters cannot fall in love but a man can find his soul-mate from a batch of strangers in 8 weeks time? That makes perfect sense..."

As Sabrina says...


She brings an interesting and very new mode of emotional interaction into sharp relief. Is it possible to feel something for someone who you have not met before?


I say yes. Without doubt.


People can feel empathy, sadness, and other emotions not only for people in crisis in real life but they can also emphasize with characters in a movie. I doubt there is one reader of this blog that has never cried because of a movie they have watched and how the movie's plot has affected a character in the movie. Honestly, if you did not cry at watching Sounder?


So, if such modes of art can induce emotion, than what is stopping us from experiencing like, love, lust, desire, hatred, angst, disgust about another individual whom we have not met in person?


We can and we do. I would not classify that I have fallen in love online but I have definitely fallen in lust. And I will further state that even though I have not fallen in love online I have fallen more in love with someone because of my interaction with them online.


I am certainly not advocating only interacting online. I personally like the sweet messiness of kissing, fucking, sucking, and generally interacting with a real person. But I have also had to accept the compromises of not being with that special someone in person and have accepted and in fact made online interaction a positive and reinforcing aspect of our relationship.

As Sabrina points out how can someone deny the possibility of such an emotional construct existing and be suckered in by the penultimate emotion grabbing media of American network television. Dudes and dudettes, that type of television is about creating remote emotion.


So, would I rather long for some impossible TV network idealization of femininity or the hard and true fastness of my prospective online lover's words to me?


I'll take the naked possibility of that online person over the cookie cutter manufactory of The American Dream TV network realization of what my ideal of feminine beauty and comportment is supposed to be any day.


I have a much more likely chance of actually meeting and being of value to that online person than that representation of ideal reality on TV.

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What Do I Want?

I invariably get asked that from a perspective partner. Sure, I Internet date trying to find someone to share my life with. The thing is that there appear to be very few women in my country and in my age category that want to share just the sexual side of their lives. I frequent to dedicated dating sites, Lavalife and POF.

Most of the profiles on Lava in the Intimate Section are looking for more than sexual intimacy. They are looking for emotional intimacy as well. Which is totally fine. I have no problems with that. It is the profiles on Lava that profess to have a need for sexual intimacy that are problematic. They say they want to fuck and be fucked but what they really mean is if you come off agreeing with them then you plan to mind fuck them as well. Seriously, 80% of the women that portray themselves with a more male oriented sexuality really want the whole enchilada. Its not like I am a serial Lavalifer but I have initiated contact with women and many of them would be subject to charges of false advertising.

I do get asked what I am looking for and I relate my needs to them. Right now...sex friends. And not just sex only friends but a companion to share other aspects of social life with. I am just not into committing to anything more and I have had a very wonderful sex friend relationship in the past and it worked well. As with all friendships it was not perfect but we both gave to each other a level of honesty and connection many romantic and apparently loving relationships lack.

POF is a whole different story. The women in the Intimate section are more assertive in their needs and since I am not black I am apparently out of luck. Which begs the question:  Can I sue for race discrimination because I am NOT black and NOT well hung (if being 10 inches in greater is the criteria I am well and truly fucked).

The women profiling at POF have a definite maleness to their attitude about sex. They appear to know what they want and know how to express it but it lacks the connection of my idea about sex friends. Most of these women want to be fucked once by many men. Hey, no judgment here but where is the happy medium?

Someone should create a dating site that is called www.lookingforsexfriends.com or something because right now, in my limited experience, the two sites I have experience have a huge void for those of us, male and female, looking for something less than romance and more than a "wham-bam thank you ma'am" vibe.

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Meandering About Inside My Mind

I have been reading some blogs on my blog list lately and been fascinated with the frankness of them. In some ways, though I have blogged about my experiences here, sharing my experiences and insights is a little intimidating because though I am only 47 I did grow up in a family where discussions about sex and sexuality did not occur. My acculturation to being more open and honest about my sexuality and my needs grew out of being married to S and then subsequent events after my 2nd marriage.

One of these singular moments I want to share. For me and I hope for others they have the chance, if not the honour, to interact with someone like I did in the following situation.

My second marriage imploded on me and I was in want, no need, of physical sexual companionship. I was faithful to my 2nd partner but our sex life had dried up to the point that some of my memories of what happened during the latter phases of my marriage still rend wounds open in my psyche. Oh, I am definitely functional as a human bean but writing this brings back one memory that crystallizes the pain and loneliness I experienced during the last 4 years of that marriage.

The last time I made love to my wife was on my birthday in 1998. We had organized a night alone without the kids and had reserved a nice table at a higher end restaurant to enjoy a "romantic" meal together. The conversation and motions of that segment of the evening were normal enough but when it came time to slip into bed and make love things got strange. My partner was definitely detached mentally from me and as I began to make love to her she began to cry. I had no idea why this was happening until much later but she was experiencing guilt because she did not love me anymore. It was very upsetting and she was never honest with me as to the reasons this happened. After that we never had sexual relations again.

Snap forward to 2001 and my marriage had ended. I had continued to be faithful to my marriage though some limited situations did arise that would have tempted Job. When we parted my need to be faithful disappeared especially given the circumstances of her betrayal towards me. I did the internet thingy and on Lavalive where I have been a member for almost too long now (lol) I began searching for a dominant woman. My conception of my needs at that time were predicated on an interest in BDSM and D/s and my self confidence sexually was at a place where I thought I would be a good submissive. It was almost as if I needed to be punished for the failure of my marriage.

As luck would have it I began a short 3 month long distance relationship with a Domme in Montreal. We emailed and chatted for sometime before we talked on the phone. She was courteous, respectful, and empathic towards me. In male terms - a gentlemen. Over time she tasked me with online research and would send me information to read and respond to her and eventually I grew to enjoy her attention and the intellectual challenges she offered. These challenges did not only reside in the world of D/s but spanned other subjects and her intellect and approach towards me only solidified my interest in her.

Eventually we talked of meeting and as we began the process of organizing this I received an email from her. It was long. On the printed page it spanned 4 pages and was a thorough analysis of what she had divined from our chats, emails, and conversations and her conclusion stunned me.

She proposed I was DOMINANT instead of submissive.

Her conclusion took be aback. I did not know at first how to respond and she had specified not replying or contacting her for 48 hours to give me time to think about her words. I reread her analysis over and over again and slept on it and realized she was right. My nascent interest in being submissive was actually a vehicle on discovering whether I was submissive or dominant. Her points rang so true it was as if she had known me for years.

We talked at length after her proscribed quiet period and our conversations verified in my mind her conclusion. She and I maintained an online relationship for several months after that where in she acted as a mentor for me and she helped me shape my conception of this new found expression of my sexuality. I am forever in her debt for that.

Life is full of challenges and missteps and there are times we are blessed with people that enter our lives momentarily and give us more than we may realize at first. She was one of those people.

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Saturday Observations

 

 

My need to write comes in dribs and drabs sometimes. There are times I feel as if my head will explode if I do not put it all down on paper. Then there are times that things seem like there is no need to write but still my head feels like it wants to explode.

At work today we were talking about sex with C who is 18 years old. He just got out of a short but very intense relationship with a woman (at 18 are they women or girls or gomen?) and commented on how much he liked that the physical part of the relationship was connected to love. Now I would not presume to judge or extrapolate his conception of love in that context but what was heartening was hearing a male profess the need to be in love to enjoy sex. It was cool he felt comfortable enough to disclose his thoughts to me. In my section it is an all male domain and invariably the discussions about sex can be rather crude and lewd. So having C share what he did was definitely a change.

No update on K who has declared I am her favourite in the store. Wonderful to hear and she has engaged me with some nice hugs but since we do not share similar shifts and I am now not working in her area regularly things may temper down a bit. Sigh. She is so damn cute! She posted her Halloween pictures on Facebook and she dressed as a naughty sailor girl. I'd love to tie her to the mizzen mast...

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Post Secret

Post Secret is awesome. A simple concept: people send in post cards of all sorts with short concise messages on them and the site posts them.

This particular image is evocative. I like a woman that wants to feel "trashy". I am not really sure were this comes from for her or me. One thing is for sure that over the range of love making or sex there is room to be gentle and caring and there is room for hot sweaty headboard banging I don't give a fuck about your needs right now sex. It continues to amaze me when a lover allows you and themselves the permission to be something more sexually. That act of mutual consent is a powerful aphrodisiac for both people and what can be amazing and healthy is that it is momentary. It only represents on aspect of the partnership.

I pity the poor fucks that only know their own needs or have limited needs. I want my partnership to revel is as wide ranging expressions of sexuality and intimacy as possible. The missionary position is not enough.

Vive Le Difference!

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Women and Sexual Attitudes

One of my favourite bloggers wrote a short entry about this idea and I wanted to expand on this. Her comment is drawn from a very interesting article by Kathy Lette entitled "Who writes best about sex?" From this article I wanted to draw on one particular series of paragraphs.

A man who is sexually active is a “Love God”, a “Lothario”, a “Romeo”, a “stud muffin”. A woman who has the same sexual appetites as a man is still described as a “slut”, a “slapper”, a “tart”, a “moll” or a “slag” with “margarine legs” — ie, easily spreadable.

In truth, men still expect women to be virginal. The new man in a woman’s life will invariably ask: “Darling, darling, am I the first man to make love to you?” To which the woman will reply: “Of course. . . I don’t know why you men keep asking the same silly question.”

Being male I have been witness to this. And I have to admit I am guilty - in the past - of uttering those words in the context to which Ms. Lette refers. But I have good news for both men and women.

I can only draw from my limited experience and age and being in my mid-40s I have had the distinct pleasure of meeting women that have become liberated in their attitudes towards sex. In most cases this sexual awakening occurs after a long first relationship and then after the breakup of that relationship the women I have had the pleasure to know (and not all of them in the Biblical sense) have re-examined their attitudes and their sexual needs. In several cases these women I have talked to had not even experienced an orgasm until after this transformation!

Fuck guys, we have it easy. Think about it. Other than having some medical or psychological dysfunction men orgasm at the sight of a Ferrari.

Well some do...

One has to think about this: What social or ethical construct must exist that precludes a woman from being able to find pleasure in themselves and from others? It is something that should invoke shame in all of us. A collective shame. Lette gives some very illuminating statistics about this and you men and women should read them.

For several of these women they had the luck, and I use that term deliberately, the luck to find a partner after their sexual void that gave them the comfort to draw from themselves the emotional and physical support to discover sexual relations in a new way. I for one could not imagine not being able to be intimate without having that heart rending, brain popping experience of having and facilitating someone else's orgasm.

Frankly sexual confident and aggressive women are a turn-on. If you do not think so then put on a mental chastity belt and join the Peace Corp. Sexual intimacy covers a gamut of experiences from ultimate soft feather touch tenderness to rip roaring bang that headboard at the hotel and wake the people in the next room experiences.

Just because a woman knows what she wants sexual should in no way sublimate a man's confidence. Unless of course he has issues about intimacy and his own virility. Life and by extension sexual intimacy is about range. Trial and error. Fun. Laughter. Tears and moments of shared connected silence before, during, and after.

In no way to I pretend to be perfect. I have my own sexual interests that tend towards the more "traditional" treatment of the male and female sexual dynamic, especially in my writing. Perhaps that is in part to the social and artist stereotypes I grew up with. That does not mean I do not enjoy the full range of emotional caring and sharing I have had the honour and pleasure to enjoy in the past.

In the end: Sexual understanding, communication, expression, and equity benefit everyone. Lette makes some very compelling points.

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